Dating versus Courtship (and other thoughts about relationships)

Last updated March 2015

How can you define both of these to relationship related, words?

They both are defined by a relationship with a person. When I define them I think of relationships and of purity. I will lay out a few thoughts and observations now.

Dating seems to be a less serious type of relationship with affection being a key point of the dating process. When you date you are looking for person which gives you special attention, more deep then just a friend. When I see some one date, I see many broken relationships.

When I see courting I see a more serious relationship usually leading to marriage.

In a biblical life style marriage should be part of the big picture as the young lady is going through out her growth as a Christian. She is striving for purity for her future husband. Ultimately though she is striving for purity to glorify God, with God's redeeming and fully cleansing salvation as the starting point. (And God's help along the way!)

The biggest issue seems to be: what is the main reason for the relationship? Are you looking for affection or marriage?

Now you can use both courtship and dating as a tool for the goal of marriage, and there are many ways to "Date" or "Court". The word that defines the relationship is not the biggest issue. It's the process and procedure used.

Courting can involve your parents counsel helping you make decisions. Dating seems to generally be for people who want to have more of their decisions left to them with less guidance and advice from others.You can court with the relationship involving just you and the man or your parent's wisdom helping you along. You can also plan on the amount of affection involved in the relationship. By holding hands or not, by hugging or not. There is also the decision of the degree physical purity before marriage.

My personal preference is a relationship under the context of courtship (or whatever word you choose to define a relationship with marriage as goal). Dating can lead to many broken relationships before  getting married. When parents' and mentor's wisdom is added to a relationship, more clear headed and sensible decisions can be made.
When associating with the opposite gender we should talk to them in a calm, normal and brotherly or sisterly way. Not flirtatious or impure. 

Much of dating and courting can be similar. But depending upon where your stand in your beliefs, much is not the same.

There are so many ways to define a relationship. There are so many ways that culture defines a "relationship". Courtship or Dating are just two words to define a relationship. Maybe a better "this versus that" would be Christ centered relationship versus Man centered relationship (?).

The word commitment is so important in a relationship if we are trying to glorify God.
If we do not have commitment in the relationship it can lead to misunderstanding and broken relationships. Knowing the purpose of a relationship, having standards, boundaries and an understanding of the other person is so important.

When we look at marriage we always need to remember how the bible defines it. God's word should be our standard. The bible should be the lens we use to guide our life. The relationship between and man and woman can be a beautiful picture of the Christ and the church.

Even if we never do get married we need to understand our position on all relationships. We should treat men (young and old) and women (young and old) respectively, with a pure Christ filled heart.

Every relationship that is aiming to be God honoring with marriage as goal will be different. God has a different story for every couple. It's exciting to see how God writes each husband and wife's story! 

I thought I'd share a few resources that have helped be learn about relationships and be able to apply practical advice on relating to people-guys in particular.

Before You Meet Prince Charming
by Sarah Mally

It's (Not That) Complicated
by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin

What Our Father Taught Us About Boys
by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin

I am still learning and God is still showing me how to think about this topic.


Do you have any thoughts on this subject?

Thanks for reading!